Posted on Thursday, February 21, 2013 at 12:30 AM
Main road to the petrol station is down to one lane by a section of roadworks controlled by traffic lights. Fine. Lights go green but there is a digger reversing towards me (perhaps 80yds away) and as I don't know if he's just going ten yards or if he's coming all the way up to the lights to get out, I wait. Sensible enough, surely? Not for the QashQok driver behind me, who is revving his engine and full-beaming me.
Digger pulls in about thirty yards from the lights (IE if I had gone in and blocked him out, we'd all have been stuck or had to reverse out) so I pootle through the roadwords, get to the end, and still with full beam behind me - yup, all the way through the roadworks, bet that really helped the guys with pneumatic drills and other heavy tools concentrate on not shearing their feet off - give QashQok the middle finger, and boot it through the gears up to 'road speed'. As I was only doing a test run with the new dampers, I turned around at the roundabout a mile down the road, and gave him a taste of full beam on the way back. Ha! Cvnt. Yes, I'm a child.
Idiot 2: Queue of three cars ahead, with the last in the queue right up the jacksy of middle one and occasionally flashing his hazards. Blimey, best keep back, must be getting towed or something. Roundabout approaching. Nope, no tow rope, he's just a twat. More random flashing of hazards. Road opens up to wiiiiide two lane blacktop. I check mirrors, indicate, accelerate, pull out, only for Mr Random Hazards to pull out in front of me and nearly get rear ended by me. I say nearly, I sort of expected it and so was on the brakes as soon as he pulled out, at which point the full beams went on. He then proceeds to ignore this hazard (presumably he doesn't know what a hazard constitutes) and continue his overtake sloooowly. I wait for him to pass and pull in, check mirrors, indicate again, and swallow up all three cars through second gear, pulling in well past Mr Hazards deep into third (although I noticed he still seemed to only be ten yards ahead of the car he overtook), probably an articulated lorry's worth of length, the road was that empty other than us I could easily afford to give him a wide berth. Textbook stuff.
Full beams flashing like mad, as well has hazards. Dip mirror, roll eyes, carry on.
Having negotiated a few roundabouts on the industrial estate (lovely having so little rear roll) I head back into town. Burbling along in fourth as the cop-cops were parked up by the Park 'n' Ride (or the Desert, as there's never any recognisable life in there, ever) on the way out probably doing some ANPR/speeding stuff, and were likely still there - so I didn't want to get a head of steam and get a ticket or something equally silly. Following a Mito. He spots the cop car, stomps on the brakes, and crawls past at maybe 15mph. Having been giving him distance, I dropped it to second and pootled along behind him at a paranoid distance. We both take a right turn, head over to the other side of town over a long, fairly empty 30mph road, where he speeds up to what must have been 45mph or more - he totally lost me and I was doing the limit. Why couldn't you just have done 30-35mph everywhere? It'd save you having to panic brake every time you see something reflective.
This was all at around ten at night, incidentally.
Where do these people come from? Where do they go? Can I kill them?